i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
