Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
