Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
