i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
