I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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