Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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