Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
