the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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