And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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