you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can i not drive my cunt home
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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