the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is it penis luge time yet?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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