It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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