If that was your dad, he is hot
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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