please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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