I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize