Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
