peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
