I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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