its not stalking. its research.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
