I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
