on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
