I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
