So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I love having hate sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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