Your mouth is God's brothel.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
