Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
