Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
