he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize