he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
