I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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