I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
