nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
