sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
