I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Two words: nipple clamps
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