the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize