wakey wakey hands off snakey
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
