Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
