he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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