Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
