do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
