Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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