and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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