Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
