Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize