I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want her autograph on my taint
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize