I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
