You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
