It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
