as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
