Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
