On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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