meet me or not, i'm out of control
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
