I wannas sexs uuuuu
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
