I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
