What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
