i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize