i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
