we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
