"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
