Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
