We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize