I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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