we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
