Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Everclear isn't food dammit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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