cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
