I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
