if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
