There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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