Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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