Fuck appropriateness.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
