after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
