Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
