Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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