What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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