wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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