Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize