The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
