she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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