how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
