Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
