I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
