Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
