I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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