well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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